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This exercise may appear to be directed to adult children who caregive to their parents. However, these issues apply to you in all areas of your lives, so please read on.
It came to me in the chat last week, that many of you are feeling frustrated and helpless as Caregivers, especially when it comes to adult children caring for their parents. Many of you feel guilty and have sacrificed much of your life by putting your family and life on hold. You may have quit your job or have had to take time from your busy schedule. With finances decreased, it is difficult for many of you to even consider having outside respite help come in to relieve you of your duties so that you can take time for yourself.
Several of you have indicated that you want your parents to change. Your parents or the loved one you care for gives you a hard time. They are not understanding of what you are going through. They verbally abuse you. They are unhappy and negative with their situation and they are making you feel negative and miserable as well.
While they didn't want to be a burden to you, your parents have become very dependent on you and would not even consider having outside help.
So, many of you are feeling guilty and helpless or stuck...Call it what you may.
Guilt, fear, resentment, criticism and blame cause more problems in your life on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level than you can ever begin to imagine.
They come from your need to blame others for your current situation and feelings. The truth is that you are not willing to take responsibility for your life, your thoughts, and your own level of awareness and consciousness or beliefs.
No one! Absolutely no one can do these things to you except yourself.
Where you are in consciousness or awareness right in this very moment in your life, which includes your thoughts and feelings, is what you attract into your life through situations and experiences. You attract others into your life to mirror who you are in the moment.
For example, several of you have expressed that you were always a happy, positive person . Now that you are caring for your loved one, who is so negative, putting you down, directing you, etc., etc., you have become more negative then you can imagine.
You are miserable and you want your loved one to change.
Unfortunately this is not going to happen. You cannot control another or change them. You can only take control of your own life and change yourself. It begins by changing your thoughts and finding an optimistic way of looking at your current situation. If your loved one is negative, and you are feeling negative there is a mirroring going on. By whining and complaining, you will never change a thing.
However, you do have choices on how you look at your situations.
Look back into a time in your life when you were not in a good space. You thought you were so miserable that you were going to die. What did you do at that time to change your situation? How did you get past the situation into happier times? Allow yourself to really explore these experiences in depth.
The past is the past. If you are still carrying it with you, you are undoubtedly carrying many negative feelings inside you. There is nothing you can do about the past. It is gone. You only have this moment which will take you into the future.
You are still punishing yourself for carrying your old beliefs into this moment. Your words and thoughts are patterns; habits, and addictive stinking thinking, that you have the power to change right in this very moment as you are reading this.
If you let yourself hold on to these old patterns and belief systems, and continue to feed your consciousness with thoughts of helplessness or the feeling of being a victim, or someone who is stuck, the Universe will support you in manifesting situations and experiences that support all your hopelessness.
So you must forgive all those, including the ones you are caring for and most of all forgive yourself for harboring these thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Forgiveness is a way of letting go; giving up trying to control and change other people. You may think this is just foolish talk, but these thoughts will begin to permeate through your consciousness, and whether or not you understand the ideas, or accept them isn't even what is important at this time. The very fact that you are reading this has already opened you into another level of healing for yourself.
As a caregiver, I am sure you are an incredibly loving, giving person, who perhaps does not love, respect, trust or believe in yourself or you would never let these beliefs run you in the first place.
When you are strong and loving to yourself, there is nothing anyone can say to you to pull you down. You attract situations and experiences that support who you are. These miracles are yours but for the choosing. Once you have worked on your own uniqueness and love and accept who you are in all that you do, life flows smoothly, easily and effortlessly. The Universe rewards you in loving relationships, work, finances, health and much more.
One one more thing....
Did you every stop to think how your loved one might be feeling in their situation? Have they had to leave their home? Have they lost their long time spouse? Have they lost their friends, their independence and much more? What are their issues? What are their beliefs? What are their fears? These are all issues you need to have more compassion and understanding for. Your loved one may not be capable of expressing or communicating what is bothering them. It is up to you to help them or get help through doctors, a minister, a nurse, a social worker or whomever that can help them to process what they are feeling and experiencing as well.
This week's exercise isn't a step by step process. I would like you to write on whatever compels you as you re- read what I have written.
Clear your minds, find that safe space deep within yourself before you begin, so that you can be truthful with yourself. Much will be revealed to you as you look deeper into yourself and into those your love.
Be nurturing and loving to yourself as you undertake this commitment to love yourself as you truly deserve.
©2/2/99 Gail R. Mitchell