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Conversation
Sue Haas Member: Sgh34 

This is a mental conversation between a caregiver and care-receiver. Hope you can use this in your newsletter. It is a battle that I constantly wage with myself and my conscience.

Why me?? Why do I have to sacrifice my life, put my life on hold to take care of my father? I have a life to live, things to do, places to go. I feel like a prisoner in my own house. Where are my brothers? They have a life.
They come and go as they please, no restrictions.
How come I get stuck with this task?

Lord, I am so thankful for my daughter. You have blessed me
with someone to take care of me in my old age. I know it is not easy
because I am old and sometimes I can't remember things the way they
should be and I can't do things for myself like I should. 

This is so hard for me. He is in my space all the time. He never lets me alone. No matter where I go, he is there watching every move I make. I can't even go the bathroom without him knocking on the door. Questions, questions, the same questions everyday.
Let me alone! Let me do my thing!

Lord, it is wonderful to have someone here with me all the time.
I would get so lonely if she was not around. I get scared to be alone.
I can't remember what to do anymore. What if something happened and I was alone, and there was no one here to help me.
I don't want to be alone. I know sometimes I upset her because
I am always in her way when she is trying to do things,
but I love to watch her and be with her. She knows how to do everything.
I know I ask the same questions everyday, but I can't seem to remember anymore. Sometimes I don't know where I am or where my family
is or where I am going to sleep tonight. She knows. She always knows.
I feel secure when she is here. It is comforting to know she is always here.
What would I do without her?

It is so embarrassing when I take him out. He is so slow at everything
he does and he makes a mess when he eats, like a little kid. He can't hear what I am saying and he can't see very well either. I have to
read the menu for him and order his food because he doesn't
remember what he can and can't eat.

Lord, I love it when she takes me out of the house. Even if it's just to ride in the car while she runs her errands. I love to look at the scenery. I don't always remember where we are or where we have been or the familiar streets and sights I used to remember. But I enjoy getting out of the house and away from the four walls. I especially like to go out to eat and see
all the people. I know I can't always hear what is being said and I get messy sometimes, but my body parts don't work as well as they used to and I spill things. She is so good to me, orders my food and cleans up after me.

Sometimes I wish it were all over. I know that is terrible to wish someone would die, but I am tired and I want to get on with MY life.

Lord, I look forward to meeting you so I can tell You
all about my daughter and how good she has been to me.
Take me home soon so she can live her life again.

Here he comes again. He wants a hug again. He is crying.

I love you. God bless you for what you are doing.
I know it is not easy to take care of an old man like me. I love you.

Oh, God, forgive me for my selfishness. Help me!
Help me to comfort him and make his last days as easy as I possibly can. My time will come, I know. I'm sorry Lord, he, has given me life
and taken care of me for so long. Help me now to take care of him for what little time he has left, for he has touched me, I have grown.
"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for a friend (or a parent)."



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