Choices ~ Healing ~ Love
July 3, 2003 VOLUME 4 ISSUE #10
Publisher & Editor: GAIL R. MITCHELL-

WELCOME
JOURNAL EXERCISE
UPDATES AT THE SITE
CAREGIVERS' CONCERNS
NEWS
INFORMATIVE CAREGIVING ARTICLES & INSPIRATION
MESSAGE BOARDS & EMAIL BAG
JOKES & HUMOR
DISCLAIMER
NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES

WELCOME

Happy July 4th!

To create your own fireworks click here...fireworks
 It will put a smile on your face....

Hope you are all doing well. June came and went in a blink of my eye. We were very busy working on the development of some of our programs. Training others to move into position here at NOFEC took up a great deal of time and we are very pleased at the outcomes that are beginning to manifest.

I will be doing some extensive travelling in the next month so I am working a bit less on the site and the newsletter.. I hope to devote more attention to the newsletter and the site in September.

May your journey be gentle and beautiful!
In Love & Light,
Gail
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UPDATES AT THE SITE

Empowering Caregivers Chats Discontinued Until Sept 15th

The summer seems to slow down greatly and so, it is with this in mind that we will be discontinuing our chats until September 15th with the same schedule. We may also have some new additions. Many of you show up in the room at unscheduled times. We encourage you to check in at the time frames indicated in EST or Eastern Standard Time so that you may find one another. We are aware that you aren't always able to attend chats at the scheduled times, so we hope that you will connect and continue to participate in the community posting messages etc. We look forward to seeing you once again in the fall.

Mary C. Fridley
Questions & Answers
July 2003
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Or click on this link:
Featured Guest Experts
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NEW CAREGIVING ARTICLES AT THE SITE

If you are interested in submitting an article(s) please go to: Submit. You will find a form for submitting your article, bio/profile, copyright permissions, etc.Please review our guidelines for acceptance, submit and we will notify you upon acceptance.

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In Memory
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CAREGIVERS CONCERNS

How to Help Your Loved One When She Denies She Needs Help

You've noticed Mom wears the same clothes day after day, isn't bathing, and is wetting herself and hiding the evidence. It's also obvious that she's not eating well and forgetting to take her medicine. You're concerned but don't know how to approach her, after all, she tells you what to do, not the other way around! When you inquire about how she's doing, she replies, "…just fine, thank you". You offer suggestions to help but she gives you "the look", you know the same disapproving look she gave you when you were a child. So, your dilemma is that if you confront her you risk insulting her but if you don't she may become ill or in danger of harm. Anyway you look at it you're going to be the bad guy.

Denial about the need for care usually comes from fear of being ill, getting older, embarrassment, or of being 'put in a home'. Try to identify the fear and address it compassionately. Never make a promise you may not be able to keep, especially " I'll never put you in a nursing home". Nursing home placement is the last thing any of us want for our loved ones but it may be the safest environment. Instead, tell her that you will do everything possible to see she is taken care of.

Choose a quiet time to talk to her and avoid talking when tempers are short or you're feeling frustrated. Avoid accusing her of not eating, it will only lead to more anger and denial, just keep telling her that you love her and are concerned about her well being. Because the older generation is less questioning of what physicians tell them, use him or her as an intermediary whenever necessary. Ask the physician to talk to Mom and write down her health problems and a 'prescription' for help or services.

Always encourage your loved one to be involved with her healthcare. Collaborate together on a journal. Include day of diagnosis, daily feelings, frustrations, highs and lows, and results of appointments and tests, etc. Also include conversations you've have. Use the journal as a reference to remember what was said or done. It's important that writing take place at the time of the experience or immediately after and that your loved one does the writing. Keep your own journal too. Use it as a dumping ground for pent up emotions and frustrations. Be sure to include those happy and humorous times as well.

Sometimes you must make difficult decisions that your loved one will not agree with. Step back, look at the situation and ask yourself, "Is she safe where she is now?" "Does she have the opportunity to live life to the best of her abilities?" "Are my emotions getting in the way of rational thinking?" When you keep her safety foremost in mind decisions are easier to make.
Witnessing changes in an aging loved one is difficult and role reversal is inevitable. Approaching it with empathy and concern for safety will make decision making easier.

God Bless.
Copyrighted Mary C. Fridley RN, C

Mary C. Fridley RN, C is our featured Question & Answer columnist at Empowering Caregivers as well as a contributing editor. She is a Registered Nurse board certified in gerontology with more than twenty years of experience in the geriatric health field. She is a writer of advice columns and articles for caregivers as well as a public speaker.

Top Of Page

IMPORTANT NEWS

"Caring for Your Aging Parents,"
Featuring
Beth Witrogen McLeod
An Online Internet Program

One of our featured columnists at Empowering Caregivers and an award-winning journalist and author, Beth Witrogen McLeod is teaching a month long online course called "Caring for Your Aging Parents" for Barnes & Noble University Online beginning July 14th. It is targeted to reach adult children who are new to caregiving as well as those who may already be well entrenched.

The course, which she also created, blends both the practical and the spiritual from her two books: the Pulitzer Prize-nominated "Caregiving: The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal" and Rodale Press's "And Thou Shalt Honor." The four-week curriculum consists of eight lessons that contain reading from the two books, lecture/discussion that blends action steps with psycho-emotional support, activities, and message board discussions. McLeod will moderate the course throughout.

For more information on signing up for "Caring for Your Aging Parents," go to www.barnesandnobleuniversity.com Starting June 9, there will be a direct link to this course in the BNU catalog. For more information on Beth Witrogen McLeod, visit her web site at www.witrogen.com

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New Web Site: DignityResources.com
Offers Financial Education For Those Facing Illness

DignityResources.com is a new Web site that provides financial education and related resources for people facing serious or life-threatening illness. The site helps individuals understand the assets and financial options available to them during the course of their illness, as well as assist them with making the most informed choice possible given the particulars of their situation. The site may also be used by social workers, case managers and palliative caregivers to assist them in their work with patients. To view the site, go to: www.dignityresources.com

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Palliative Care Council Of South Australia, Inc.

Are you looking for palliative care educational materials in languages other than English? The Palliative Care Council of South Australia, Inc., offers downloadable PDF files and online HTML educational materials for the following language groups which were chosen based on prevalence in the Australian 1996 Census: Arabic, Bosnian, Chinese, Croatian, Greek, Hindi, Italian, Japanese, Khmer, Korean, Macedonian, Maltese, Persian, Polish, Portuguese, Russian, Serbian, Spanish, Turkish, and Vietnamese. An HTML "plain text" English translation is also available. In addition to the downloadable multilingual consumer education brochures, you can read the full text of their Multicultural Palliative Care Guidelines for working with Non English Speaking Background (NESB) groups. The handy online guide has practice guidelines and specific recommendations. These guidelines help hospice and palliative care workers understand the special issues various cultural groups have with death and dying. Go to: Palliative Care Council

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“Conversations Before The Crisis”

The Last Acts Family Committee has developed a new resource guide, Conversations Before the Crisis. This booklet can be used by both the elderly and children of the aging who need help having a discussion about end-of-life wishes. This guide offers the reader conversation "triggers," such as using television programs and family gatherings to start talking, and includes sample language as guidance. It also includes a resources listing with helpful books and Web sites. To order a copy of this new guide, send an email to LastActs@aol.com and be sure to include your name, full mailing address, and a reminder that you would like this resource.To review an online PDF version of Conversations Before the Crisis, go to: Crisis.

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INFORMATIVE CAREGIVING ARTICLES & INSPIRATION

Quotes

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
Mahatma Gandhi

If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.
If you wish to know that you are safe,
cause another to know that they are safe.
If you wish to better understand
seemingly incomprehensible things,
help another to better understand.
If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger,
seek to heal the sadness or anger of another.
Those others are waiting for you now.
They are looking to you for guidance,
for help, for courage, for strength, for understanding,
and for assurance at this hour.
Most of all, they are looking to you for love.

My religion is very simple.
My religion is kindness
Dalai Lama, 9/11/1
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Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not: Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

Calvin Coolidge
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Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos. Before a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in the crowd.

I Ching
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The question is not, 'How much potential do you have? It is how much of your potential will you live?

Alan Cohen

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain
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MESSAGE BOARDS & EMAIL BAG

JOKES & HUMOR

The Five Stages of Life

To Grow Up
To Fill Out
To Slim Down
To Hold It In
To Hell With It
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Out of Gas

A couple of nuns who were nursing sisters had gone out to the country to minister to an outpatient. On the way back they were a few miles from home when they ran out of gas. They were standing beside their car on the shoulder when a truck approached.

Seeing ladies of the cloth in distress, the driver stopped to offer his help. The nuns explained they needed some gas. The driver of the truck said he would gladly drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or can. One of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan and asked the driver if he could use it. He said yes, and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts of gas into the pan. He waved good-bye to the nuns and left.

The nuns were carefully pouring the precious fluid into their gas tank when the highway patrol came by. The trooper stopped and watched for a minute, then he said, "Sisters, I don't think it will work, but I sure do admire your faith!"

New Medications For Women

D A M I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the
memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-andro-tic for single women. Increases resistance to such lines
as, "You make me want to be a better person .... can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Can also be slipped into a husband's "Hungry Man Dinner," rendering him jovial at the prospect of paying for said shopping spree...

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.

A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome- when administered to a husband, it alters his consciousness, making him think he's made whoopie for 48 solid hours, thus sparing a wife considerable wear and tear.

R A G A M E T
When taken by a wife, provides the same satisfaction as ragging on your husband all weekend, and actually having him complete all his "Honey-do's!" When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

REGARDING THE FORWARDING OF THE NEWSLETTER: Please do not forward this letter or subscribe anyone if they have not given you permission. We would like you to share it with others, but we do not want those who are not open to receiving it to be subjected to your forwarding it without their express permission. Thank you.

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