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Author Topic:   Difficulty with spouse regarding caregiving
posted 02-02-2003 01:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for marianbd     Edit/Delete Message
I recently moved my mother in with my husband, daughter and me. It is much easier for me as I no longer have to spend the day at mom's caring for her, then coming home and trying to take care of my own house and family. My husband was in total agreement with our decision to have her here, and we added on to our house to accommodate her desire for privacy. The move hasn't been easy for her, naturally, and I try to keep her stress to a minimum, especially since she wanders at night when she's upset.

Recently, though, my husband has been loudly argumentative in front of her; critical of me, our daughter, the dog, anything. My attemts to divert him until we can be private are backfiring miserably. It seems that he's taking advantage of knowing I won't participate in an argument in front of her. She becomes upset and fretful, and I am the one that has to deal with the aftermath, which is usually tears, night wandering, frustration, etc.

This is out of character for my husband, a minister. When I bring this up, he states that he's worried how this will work out. A fine time to bring it up - after 8 months of construction and 1 1/2 years of caring for her in her home. Do others have this same problem?


posted 02-02-2003 06:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello Marianbd,

Welcome... I am sorry ot hear about your situation with your husband. While I haven't had this experience myself, I can tell you that many spouses agree to having the other's spouses parent moves in... and unfortunately, once they are in, the poop hits the fan...

Given that your husband is a minister as well makes his humaness come to light even more. There may be resentment and other issues that are arising from him, perhaps even feelings of neglect or jealousy.. if your mom is coherent, perhaps you could all have a heart to heart to air the feelings, discuss each other's needs etc. and if it is difficult, I encourage you to get professional help and or another minister who can mediate between you and your husband so that you can make sure all your needs are met in balance..please keep us posted...try to visit with us in the chats as well.

Richest blessings


posted 02-05-2003 08:20 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Hi marian...and welcome...

Sorry to hear of your problems...like Gail said once the deed is done things can surface...caregiving especially in an "inhome" environment can be a total turnabout in lifestyle..
You need to get your husband to get his issues out, whether in private, if he can, or with professional help...he may not even realize totally what IS bothering him...
Living with any kind of added stress isn't easy on you or your mom...and I hope you can resolve this easily before it weighs more heavily on your family...
please take care and let us know how things are going for you...


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