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Author Topic:   Looking for firends who understand
cespos
Member
posted 10-26-2003 12:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cespos     Edit/Delete Message
My husband, Charles suffered a stroke in Aug 2002. I was in Calif preparing to care for my aging grandmother when I got the call about this. He was in Wisconsin. I immediately flew to his bedside. While still in the hospital I learned of an affair he was having. But some how I managed to stay with him over the past year. I still feel betrayed and hurt. Grandma passed away a couple months ago. And Charles is now suffering from seizures. I have been trying to find a place where I fit in, but as yet haven't. His left sided parralisis, cognitive, visual, and speach problems have created a man I dont know. I find him angry, flying off the handle alot, depressed and unhappy with me. Infact he blames me for his stroke. I know that this is all part of his stroke but it is so hard to deal with when you add the fact of the affair. I just don't know where to turn or what to do for him to adjust to things anymore. I am finding I am getting more and more frustrated with the way things are, and to be honest have packed to move out twice. Well thanks for listening. I guess I should go and let you deal with your own problems.

IP: 65.215.247.198

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 10-30-2003 05:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello Cespos

Welcome.. I am glad you have found your way here. It is difficult to deal with each situation as its own entity, the loss and grief for your grandmother, your husband's affair and his stroke..what you are feeling is normal.. the only problem is that you have been thrown into these situations with no one to talk with and help you to process what you are feeling and experiencing.

I encourage you to continue to post here, and most importantly I encourage you to seek out professional services to help you release the pent up feelings of hurt, anger and all that you hold within.. if you need assistance finding someone in your area, please let me know.

I also imagine that you are caring for your husband probably close to full time. Do you have respite or volunteers, friends or family coming in to relieve you? If not, you will need to arrange for this.

Also, your husband would probably be angered and feeling a good deal of his feelings as a result of the stroke and how it has left him.. but for some reason I have a strong sense, he might also be feeling guilty for his relationship.. either not being able to continue it or because he is needing you so much at this time.. while I am not a professional therapist Ceso, this is something else that will need looking into when you get help.. he is probably needing therapy for his emotions as well..

You are a strong woman to be caring as you do.. get the help you need to heal so that you can make the right decisions and if it is your time to leave, you can do so with confidence and if you choose to stay, it can be from another perspective that you feel good about..

please keep us posted.. richest blessings
Gail

IP: 66.108.72.20

Notenoughhours
Member
posted 10-31-2003 12:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Notenoughhours     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Cespos:

That's a hard situation you are dealing with. I am caring for my father who suffered a masssive stroke 3 years ago, also with left side paralysis. He too is a different person and child like. It is a long road and I assume your husband is receiving rehabilitative services. Are there any other family members that can assist with his care? I do not know your age, but grown children or his own siblings? It sounds as though you have alot to sort out in your mind and heart. As Gail mentioned therapy for yourself, I did that for a while because I was having trouble dealing with being a caretaker for someone I felt was very harsh/cold to me growing up. It was helpful. Hang in there and the decisions will come. But take care of yourself in the process. Best of luck to you.

IP: 12.26.69.6

sherryl1227
Member
posted 11-08-2003 07:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sherryl1227     Edit/Delete Message
Dear Cespos: I can certainly empathsize with your situation. My husband (now deceased) was very angry about his stroke and always seemed to take it out on me. I endured a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. This made me strike out in anger against him and say many hurtful things. Believe me, I thought about moving out more than once; I am now glad I stuck it out. I think they act out anger because they have lost their independence (very important to a man), and sometimes their friends desert them. Also, because he has had an affair, this is probably making him feel guilty. Don't let him transfer the guilt to you. It is easy to take the guilt on yourself. Insist on time for yourself and taking respite (mine didn't believe in either; now I wish I had been assertive and had gone ahead and done it) Being a 24/7 caregiver every day of the year takes its toll on you; I will keep you in my prayers.

IP: 204.31.162.10

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 11-09-2003 07:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello Sheryl,

Welcome.. thank you for sharing.. it is so important to hear from others who have gone through it similarly .. hindsight for one can open doors for another... are you caregiving now?

Blessings,
Gail

IP: 66.108.72.20

PrairieGal
unregistered
posted 11-13-2003 04:21 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Hi cespos..and welcome...

So sorry to hear of your dilemma...you have some extra feelings and emotions to deal with on top of your husband's stroke...I agree with Gail...a bit of professional help may be the way to go...living with resentment is not a good thing...
Another thing to understand is when people become ill they usually take it out on the ones closest to them...no, it isn't easy for us, but usually it is just a form of venting for them..sometimes it's best to ignore...hard too, I know, because some of it hurts you terribly...words can be a cruel thing...
I hope you will continue to post here and let us know how you are doing..

take care
PrairieGal

IP: 24.78.152.163

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