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posted 07-25-2003 10:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Puppyluv     Edit/Delete Message
Hi y'all, I am 55 & am taking care of my 85 year old Mom who has Kidney cancer, wet, end stage macular degeneration (blind), diabetes, (type 2 insulin dependent), & COPD. My brother lives on the east coast and I live with her on the west coast so I am her only caregiver. I am looking for...I don't exactly know what I am looking for. I need a place to know that there are other people going through what I am, and their thoughts and ways of dealing with the agony a loved one goes through on the way to their final peace. It would feel so good to have a place just to talk about what I feel too, anger, frustration, sadness and coping. Lord, after this beginning, I wouldn't be surprised if y'all ran screaming from the room. I have hopes of meeting new friends in here,


posted 07-26-2003 07:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello Puppyluv

Welcome.. Truthfully, I highly doubt that we would run away from your postings even if you had to whine and let it all out. We all need to vent it into a safe place. The most important thing is that we adjust and work through what we are experiencing rather than staying stuck as if we had no choices in how to handle it all. Rest assuredly, we have managed to create a safe haven here for all to share and to connect with others...

It is not easy coping, perhaps even healing and caring for your mom with all the different illnesses she has that you are both faced with. And while your brother is on the East Coast, would he be there more if he lived on the West Coast?

I am not sure how far along your mom is. Is she still receiving invasive treatments for her cancer, etc? Has the doctor or anyone suggested looking into Hospice as of yet? This is something you may want to inquire about if you haven't already.

Please keep us posted... take care and blessings in all you are doing. It is a blessing that you are caring for your mom and while you may not totally see the bigger picture, it is equally a blessing for you that she has you as her caregiver.



posted 07-27-2003 01:13 PM           Edit/Delete Message
HI Puppyluv...

Your mom is very lucky to have you...and it's so nice to see a bit of humor peeking out in your post...that can be a godsend when dealing with daytoday caregiving...
I was a 24/7 caregiver to my mom up to her passing and yes, the worse part of caregiving was knowing she would not get better...for most of my caregiving time I was in total denial that the end was near...I do think being a caregiver and having to deal with so many emergencies, etc was what gave me the strength I needed as the end came near...that, and support from my husband, friends, and family...my mom and I were very close and I was an only child...
I think what gets you through the tough times is knowing you have to hang in there, that she is depending on you...to fall apart would not do either of you any good...which leads me to my next question....
Are you receiving any help/respite in the way of home care or something? Time away each week, even if only a few hours can really be beneficial...we are only human after all, and need time for ourselves...leaving my mom in the hands of a good nurse for 4 hours twice a week sure brought me back home with a better perspective and some much needed breathing space...

I hope you will continue to post and keep us up to date on how you are coping...
take care


Dutiful Daughterinlaw
posted 08-08-2003 08:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dutiful Daughterinlaw     Edit/Delete Message
Dear PuppyLuv,
Hi there,
I too am a full time caregiver and would be greatful for a cocoper to comiserate with.
My MIL is about to be 78. No experience with kidney cancer, but we've survived colon cancer, bypass, ruptured appendex, abdominal hernia, and multiple infections and phneumonias.She is legally blind, IDDM, CHF, Obsessed with her bowels, and has a multitude of digesative problems far too lengthy to list.
However, she is surviving... with no real pleasure or end in sight, and I have long since given up escaping this island.
After 15 years... The Florence Nightengale in me has grown desperate to fly away.
However, she lives with our family, and to abandon her would be to abandon my DH and 12 & 10 year old... so I am here for eternity.
I cannot offer to many coping skills, although I have taken to singing offkey on the top of my lungs as I drive endlessly in my SUV... but since I live in Texas, no one ever notices. However, I can be supportive and help you forge ahead with survival instincts unkown by noncaregivers.
Write me... Robyn


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