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Author Topic:   Tell me I am not alone
OldatHeart
Member
posted 03-04-2003 04:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for OldatHeart     Edit/Delete Message
Hello!
I am new to this website, but not to caregiving. I am the sole {24/7 365 a year) caregiver of my grandmother, leslie who is 66. I came to my grandparents house 14 months ago to "help them out" for an agreed upon 3 month period. Well, it is now 14 months later and I am still here. My grandfather was recently put into a nursing home, I was unable to continue caring for him because of his alzhimers. Now it is just my grandmother (who has had 2 strokes and multiple falls) and I. She is no longer able to drive, she uses a walker, or many of the every day tasks required to live on her own.
I came to help out my family. I have just recently turned 24 and have left college to take care of my grandparents. No one else in the family is able to, so I being the oldest granddaughter, was asked to take that role. I love my grandparents and want to give them the chance to live in their own home as long as possible, but I am unable to go to school, work or have any set plans because of this job. I recieve no help whatsoever from family and am now feeling burned out. Please tell me there is a silver lining!

IP: 65.179.113.152

PrairieGal
unregistered
posted 03-06-2003 06:15 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Hi Oldatheart....and welcome...

Ahhh...just 24...that has got to be so hard...as lucky as your grandparents are to have you I just don't know what to say about your situation, being you are so young and have given up schooling.
The silver lining may not be visible right now but in time it will..you are doing something you should be very proud of, and I know your grandparents appreciate this and you more than they could ever say.
If you feel this is what you want to do, please look into home care, nursing respites or aides to help, and see if there is some way you can work college around this schedule. They may let you do a lot of the work from home on the computer, etc. Some of your burnout may be from the fact you are upset at having to give up school right now, and with some help from these agencies, get you back on track.
Also check with your local newspaper or schools in your area for students or retired health care professionals who are looking to help people such as yourself...these may be more cost efficient compared to home care, depending on where you are.
I hope you will post here again and let us know how you are getting along...
take care
PrairieGal

IP: 24.66.94.142

OldatHeart
Member
posted 03-07-2003 12:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for OldatHeart     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you for the kind words. I love my grandparents and know that they need me. As much as I would love to think my grandmother could do it without me, I know she can't. I have looked into some home care helps, but she is stubborn and says she doesn't need anyone here to help. It is because of this that she falls and hurts herself more.
I told her today that things have to change. I took your advice (thanks!) and enrolled in a Pilates class. While it isn't a lot, it is for an hour once a day 6 days a week. I have found various people to come be with her this next week, but they can't come everyday. I think that I will have to intigrate someone from respite care into the mix. I know it is a small start, but it is something. I want to be here for my grandparents and I am so glad to realize that I am not alone! I knew I wasn't before, but looking around on this website and others had made me realize how many others there truly are. What a blessed group of people we are to give back in such a way!

IP: 206.134.177.141

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-07-2003 07:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello OldAtHeart

welcome... I am just in overwhelm hearing about your loving care for your grandparents... what a blessed gift you are to them.. and the experience while you may not be able to see the light is probably going to be life altering for you as well.

Are you located near a big city? Do you know how to research respite help and other volunteer help in your area? Have you explained to your grandmother that you are needing a break and that you are burning out? Have you explained to her that if something were to happen to you who would then care for her?

Pilates is a wonderful program and to be able to take it six times a week... I would love to be able to do that and give myself the gift...

As for schooling, their are universities online and classes and programs you can get involved in that can stimulate you and assist you in feeling productive on an educational basis.. so allow yourself to explore... while there may not be many young caregivers as yourself here, please feel free to post and attend chats where you will always be supported...

richest blessings in all you are doing
gail

IP: 66.108.75.139

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-10-2003 10:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
GOD BLESS YOU! oldatheart? I am older....Anyway, your Grandmother is VERY LUCKY to have you but please take the advice of these messages. She might be angry at first but it will all work out. I am a grat believer in PRAYING! I have wonderful sense of peace after I have done so. I will pray for you and hope that you find your answers!

yelobus1

IP: 205.188.208.172

OldatHeart
Member
posted 03-10-2003 11:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for OldatHeart     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you all so much for the kind words and hope. I am just finally at my wits end and I didn't know where to turn for help. I am an oddity in the caregiving field seeing as I am so young, but I already have done so much. I kid about opening a family nursing home to take care of all the relatives who have lined up to have me help. I know that this is not an easy job but that with the help of others (if I learn to take it) I can do it. I just have to take a deep breath and do it.
Thank you all so much for the suggestions and the kind words. They mean so much. I needed to know that there were people out there who not only knew what I was going through, but who cared that I was.
Thanks a million times over!

IP: 65.179.65.67

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-11-2003 08:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello OldAtHeart,

Please continue to post and visit with us in the chats.. I think it will help you and inspire you to continue forward with the challenge..

blessings
gail

IP: 172.134.97.49

Deirdreanne
Member
posted 04-01-2003 07:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Deirdreanne     Edit/Delete Message
Dear OldatHeart,

You are not alone. I can't tell you how overwhelmed, relieved and greatful I am that I happened upon your post. I am 32 years old and 7 months ago I took an innocuous weekend trip to visit my parents. Three weeks later I was living with them and I don't think I'm going to be able to leave anytime soon. My mother is 56 and is experiencing the myriad of complications from a lifelong battle with Type 1 Diabetes. When I went to visit, I found out that her health was far worse than what either of my parents had admitted. I lived in another state and was not able to visit often. To make a long story short, I have given up everything to come and help her because there is no one else and, quite frankly, there is no money. I love my mother and I would have made this choice regardless, but the suddeness of it has caught me completely off guard. I am just struggling to find out who I am and where I fit into this new life of mine. I was four classes away from completing a Masters degree, I had a fairly successful and enjoyable career, and I have a family of my own, which is now severely disjointed. This makes me scream on the inside. I'm not new to Existential Crisis, but this is mindboggling, a psychological and emotional nightmare. Good luck to you on your journey and thanks for sharing your story.

IP: 165.121.229.15

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 04-10-2003 05:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello Deirdreanne

Welcome, I could feel your sadness and confusion.. so close to that degree.. it will all work out as it needs to.. I think the most challenging part will be separation from your family.. I have a sense you have younger kids...How far away are you all from one another?

Is moving them nearer to you out of the question? ARe there others who can help you and assist them...

we are here for you.. look forward to your postings .. and hope to see you in our chats as well..

richest blessings
gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

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