Empowering Caregivers Message Boards
  Introduce Yourself To Others Here At The Boards
  I'm new... (Page 1)

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq | search

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
This topic is 3 pages long:   1  2  3 
next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   I'm new...
yelobus1
Member
posted 03-03-2003 11:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
HiEveryone
I am the "caretaker" of Gordon who was seriously injured in June 2002. I had just fallen in love with him a couple of months before. We both drove a school bus. He is a widower and has a teenage son. I am the Mother of 4 boys-33, 14, 12, and 8.
Gordon was injured by an angry man who picked him up and threw him down on his head. I was called during the night that he had an accident but was fine. At 5:30AM, Iwas called by the Neuro-surgeon who peformed the brain surgery. When I got to see him (he was out of state)he was in a coma and hooked up to many machines.He recovered so well that he as only hospitalized 10 days and discharged to Outpatient rehab. He has, since, returned to work (actually by September)and is doing very well in a lot of aspects. But several things still seem to be wrong. He is aware of these. He is quite obsessive about certain things. He gets irritated easily and sleeps a lot. Sometimes things tht he says are like a tape that goes on. He says the same thin often. The reason that I have become concerned now is because of an outburst from about 2 weeks ago. Things came out from a while ago that I thought he had gotten over.
I guess al his is tough when nobody listens. My friends just think that I am some sort o nut for putting up with all this. But I know thse things happen because of his injury.
Any inoput from others would be greatly appreciated.

IP: 64.12.96.235

GoldieLox
Member
posted 03-03-2003 04:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GoldieLox     Edit/Delete Message
was his injury in the frontal lobe of the brain?

The frontal lobe is where your "mood buffer" is. Basically when you hear a funny joke, this part of the brain tells your body to laugh and feel emotion. My mom has frontal lobe problems and she was prone to "MOOD SWINGS" compulsive behavior such as "hording" and became quite depressed due to chemical imbalance because this part of brain isn't functioning properly.

I wish you all the luck! it is hard being the brunt of someone you care about anger and personality quirks after injury.

[This message has been edited by GoldieLox (edited 03-03-2003).]

IP: 216.171.210.92

GoldieLox
Member
posted 03-04-2003 05:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GoldieLox     Edit/Delete Message
I am trying to find the website that had the really good information on what parts of the brain effect what kinds of behavior.
you can try these
http://www.personalityscience.org/
http://www.biausa.org/Pages/home.html

well there are 2 sites that I know of. some of the brain tumor sites have valuable information for behavior and imbalances of chems and receptors. I will keep my eyes open for any information that will help you.
My mom was very prone to depression, so her Dr. put her on Prozac and I will tell you it was like night and day!!!!! Let me tell you I never let her run out of those pills :P sometimes it can be that easy. The most important part is that you need to keep in close contact with his Doctor and honestly tell him what is happening. I wouldn't mind the uncontrolable laughing part. They do have ways to control the mood swings bad behavior. If he isn't aware of it or doesn't really accept it, maybe speak with his Doctor alone to discribe the symptoms.
Sometimes people don't like thier love-ones telling someone eles (doctor ect.) that they are mean and compulsive. It hurts their feelings also. But communication is the number one key. If he knows that he is doing it and accepts he has "uncontrolable side effects" it is easier to get over it with out hurt feelings.
You also have to remember ......Don't take anything personally!!!!! Also explain this to the kids. Water off of a ducks back is the best way, and don't listen to things that are said if you think it is a side effect. BE a sounding board and realize that he doesn't mean it when he does it and problably feels bad afterward. My mom always did.

Chin up ...I know this is a hard one to do.

IP: 216.171.210.25

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-04-2003 07:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
I read your reply to my problems and I want to thank you. I a going to check out those web sites. As for giving Gordon medication, it probably will not happen. Both of us are not big on meds. We beleive in good nutrition, exercise, etc. He will be just too stubborn to do this. But he does work out and when the weather is nicer he will start riding his bike again. He is normally a rather stubborn sort but he wants to "lick" this. I am sure some of the "stress" is due to the legal issues nd medical bills that he has received. I keep trying to reassure him. I also remind him of how much progress he has made.
As for your Mom, sya prayer for her. Say a prayer that they n find out what is wrng. I will pray foryo and her. I strongly believe in the powerof prayer There are a lot of people who have storis of "cures" because of their beliefs. Read Lanc Armstrong's book. It was just about belief in his doctors. He is somewhat of an atheist but his story is very inspirational.
Thank s again for your reply. Good luck to you and GOD BLESS!

IP: 64.12.96.235

PrairieGal
unregistered
posted 03-06-2003 06:22 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Hi yelobus and welcome...

How lucky your friend is to have you...
Sometimes head injuries can change a person for life, from moods to just personality as a whole..the brain is such a complex organ...
I am glad you are looking for all the information you can find...that is the first step in coping, and finding others going through the same thing as you is helpful also. Some may have some advice you could try, or know of some alternative meds/treatments for this type of thing, as you said you are not really into prescription medicines. With those you have to weigh side effects as opposed to the good they may do. Hard choices.
Please post again and let us know how you and Gordon are doing...
take care
PrairieGal

IP: 24.66.94.142

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-06-2003 06:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello YelowBus1


Welcome... I am sorry to hear about Gordon's problem.. there is a possibility you may want to check into some valerian or st john's wort... there are some herbs that can help to balance as well...

Goldilocks...thanks for all your responsive links and support... keep us posted on how you are doing Yellowbus.

Richest blessings
gail

IP: 66.108.75.139

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-07-2003 03:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
A GREAT BIG THANKS FOR ALL THE POSITIVENESS AND REASSURANCES! This is great! The most understanding I have received in a long time. (Hopefully I am doing thiese message boards OK?) I have, obviously, never done this.
Just to let you know, Gordon is doing well because he works at it. And there are some things that even a "normal" person would have trouble handling.
THANKS, AGAIN, SO MUCH!!!!!It's nice to know I am not alone! Yelobus

IP: 205.188.208.172

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-07-2003 07:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Yelobus.. you are doing fantastic... keep us posted.. glad to have you on board..

gail

IP: 66.108.75.139

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-08-2003 07:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
Hi-
A set back today. He "pushed" me away and it hurts. An outburst again and this time directed at me and his son. This is a complicated situation, even for the non-brain injured but I LOVE this man! "Something" set him off and I'm not quite sure what it is but I know thatI have something to do with it and I know his son sparked some of it too. We are both totally perplexed and not sure what to do.

IP: 152.163.189.166

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-08-2003 09:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
Just to let you know, I would not let him push me away. It is very diffiult but I will not let this man go in any way. ILOVE him and we ill get through it. (although it is very tough sometimes!)


SHARON (yelobus)

IP: 64.12.96.235

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-09-2003 08:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello Sharon,

You might want to communicate openly and lovingly to Gordon along with his son after you have spent some time quietyly within your own energy... such as after meditating, where you can really assess the situation, what is happening, where it seems to be going, how you feel, what your needs are and ask him the same. When one is speaking the other must be quiet and not respond..merely listen.. if you are able to inititate this type of sharing, it might help.\

However, if you are unable to, you might want to bring in a counselor, social worker, doctor or nurse to help all of you sort through what each of you is experiencing and what your needs are. This is vitally important to help you all heal and grow from what has transpired.

Keep us posted.
Take care
Gail

IP: 66.108.75.139

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-09-2003 11:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
Dear Gail-
Again, I want to thank you for your omforting thoughts and ideas. I guess I can't be doingto badly because this was my plan for today I have gotten a lot of infration offthe Internet about Brain Injuries and I want to SLOWLY work with him with it. No Matter what, I will see this through. Ad if it does become too much, I WILL SEEK professional help. This man di not deserve this injury, has never dealt with the the anger of it or been instructed to do so and deserves to live a better life. And I will see to it that this happns. THANKS, AGAIN, GAIL!!!! You do a gret job! SHARON (yelous1)

IP: 152.163.189.166

TLnC
Member
posted 03-09-2003 12:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for TLnC     Edit/Delete Message
Hi yelobus... I'm new here too; I couldn't help but answer your post. No, you're not nuts - but you do need some new friends and I think this is a good place to find some. I don't mean throw out your old ones, heavens no! But, even old friends tend to lose their freshness after a while. I have some URLs for a couple of really good websites that might help you understand Gordon's illness a little better. If you like, just send me an email and I'l be glad to forward them to you. Gordon may LOOK just fine, but no one knows what goes on in the human brain, especially when there is damage. Drop me a line!

IP: 24.217.25.136

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-10-2003 09:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks TLnC! Look for your e-mail and please let me know about your situation. This is a great wb site! Gordon does look great! He just does seem 100% yet. He is a Dad and very special to me so I justwant him to be happy and be healed! He s very much into helping himself and working on these things. I hve fund ome other web sies with great info and I am working with him on it. He is receptive I wish I would not have listened to him about being "well." That's where somebody told me that a brain-injured person sometimes lives in denial. Becaus I listened to him, there havebeen "hurtful" things that have been said and I am starting to feel badly myself (little depression setting maybe)

IP: 205.188.208.172

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-10-2003 07:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
Another night of FRICTION!I just do not understand! He s ino telling me that he does not LOVE me. CONSTANTLY! (It sure HURTS!!!!) And I just do notunderstand! Tonight I stood myground and did not leave even though he told meto do so. When I left, I told him I do not believe him nd I gave him a smile (after tears) He gave me a look too and I am not quite sure what it meant but it had a "sparkle" in it. Like he knew that I knew that what he was saying was not true. I tell him we will get through this. I think (?) he is afraid of something! I have known him for over a year and I have never seen him so agitated. THIS IS TOUGH!!!!!!

IP: 205.188.208.172

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-11-2003 08:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello Sharon,

You are an incredibly sensitive soul but you are going to have to take repsonsibility for seeing that Gordon is sick right now and not capable of expressing himself the way you are needing him to. At times I am wondering if he it is him or the dammage to the brain that is taking over.

I would like to encourage you to speak with a social worker or a nurse or someone who knows what Gordon is going through to help you understand and be stronger without getting hurt so much. If you don't, you might be pushing him in the wrong fashion without meaning to.As his carer, you must take responsibility for this. You can share your hurt with us, but somewhere you will have to come to accept this especially if he is not capable of changing..

we are here for you but there is work to do to move through this..

keep us posted...keeping you in my thoughts and prayers..
gail

IP: 172.134.97.49

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-12-2003 09:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
If I knew WHO I could call, I would! He was dicharged back in September from everything. This is what brougt me to the Internet. I just needed to know what is going on! I KNOW some of these things are not him! But, then understand I did not know him very long before this happened! But I am standing firm and I will not let him"push" me away! I tol myself that when he lay in his bed in very serious condition. I promised that I would do whatever I could to help him and I would be by his side no matter what! It is just frustrating at times.

IP: 205.188.208.172

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-17-2003 08:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Yelobus,

try to find a psychotherapist or social worker in your area to help you.. also ask a doctor or nurse to help you get to the right person... let us know how you are doing.

Blessings
Gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-17-2003 10:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
Things seem better for now. I know that some of this is about the "crime" that was committed. He was assaulted and he has applied for Victim's benefits. They originally denied it but we are following up with a hearng. I guess the situaton is not a real good prospect because it is ou-of-statte. But I can "guide" his thoughts by telling him the worse that can happen is that he won't get this but the suit that is being filed has moe possibilities. It is just very frustratng o be in the hands of professionals that are not performing or do not seem to be doing their job, This inludes the Psychotherapist that originally saw him. It certainly causes a lot of mistrust.

IP: 205.188.208.172

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-17-2003 10:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
P.S. (hit the wrong button) I am "laying low" just being around casually,not pressuring him. I go and let him talk and he is seeming calmer now. I know he cannot handle a lot of "stuff" a once so we'll get through this tomorrow and I keep reminding himof "one day at a time." I also remind him to live for the moment....I am just trying to keep him calm. He is working on himself too. He works out, does not drink asohol AT ALL!, and he eat good food. He never eats SUGAR! Actually these are some of his obsessions. He's actaully trying to gain weight. still think he is depressed somewhat but not it is not debillitating. He DOES sleep A LOT!
We'll get there. I have not given up!
SHARON

IP: 205.188.208.172

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-17-2003 10:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
sounds like you have hit a good formula.. if you need to vent and have support reach out here..just been nurturing and calm as you are around Gordon. He is probably as sensitive as you are and picks up on your fear and mixed emotions as well...keep up the great work!

Gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-17-2003 10:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hi again,

just noticed the posting abovce the last one I responded to.. it seems that it is quite difficult when laywers and therapists are close to home... out of state is another story entirely... perhaps you can find someone locally that can act on your behalf to put a stick of dynmaite under them...
g

IP: 66.108.77.75

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-20-2003 04:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
HE WON THE APPEAL FOR THE VICTIM'S FUND!!!! HE WON THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT!!! It won't cover everything but at least he willhave some cash from this. The rest will come when the suit goes to court. He was excited! I said now it's time to have some fun. This will take some urging from me though because his idea of life is work, eat good food, sleep as much you can, watch basketball(his passion)and watchhis bank account grow! I have told him there is more to life. I think he was just starting to find this out when he was hurt. Now we hav to start all over again. But I BELIEVEthat it can be done. And sometime that's all t takes BELIEF! And some reasurance from "friends!"

IP: 64.12.96.235

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-20-2003 05:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Yelobus kudos to both of you...what a blessing...I pray that things will calm down and you will have an opportunity to reconnect..keep us posted..

blessings
gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-21-2003 07:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
Just a few "after" thoughts...Our attorney is good....just not the picture that is painted on some of the web sites about how attorneys are there for you through everything. He had given me the idea that Gordon "confessed" to something AFTER he was already injured. He protected him as we had hoped and may have uncovered a situaion that appears to be quite different than the wayit actually happened. Gordon has agonized over this whole hing as he has "remembered" certain things. With all this coming out, Gordon seems much happier and "lighter." After all, he was accused of provoking this severe injry by calling someone a not-so- nice name when actually someone may have convinced him that he did this when he was already hurt!
The "empowering" thought here is to trust your instincts and have belief. It really mattered a great deal and now has made a lot more sense out of this terrible ordeal. It can be very trying but if you "listen" very carefully and trust your own instincts, realizing "something" does make sense, things will become a lot more clear. It's not over by any means and you can remind me of this when it hppens again. After all, legal issues, affairs of the heart, family matters and life in general are sometimes difficult enough but to a brain damgd person, it is magnified greatly.
THANKS FOR LISTENING....AND FOR ADVICE!!!! SHARON

IP: 152.163.189.173

yelobus1
Member
posted 03-22-2003 04:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
I guess I am impatient somewhat....although people often tel me how patient I seem. Anyway, the question of the day...how do you teach someone to live again? I think this man "lost" a couple of yers of his life. Before this injury, he had just started reaching out. He made the "overture" to meet me. He made the advances in our rlationship. I happen to know that I am the first woman in his life after his wife died in 1995 or 96. Iguess my formula has to be pt to the test! But it is a perplexing task...teaching someone there is more to life than work, sleep, eating....He is spending some time with his son which is good but he has not included me in anything. This is a man who brought a dozen roses once....I do see "glimmers' of that man occasionally, especially since this mess was resolved. The rest of this week, he has been much more relaxed and happy. I detected things in his eyes.
So there ws a mjor vicory but still more to fix....SHARON

IP: 205.188.208.172

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-22-2003 07:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
I am posting this email Sharon sent to me per her agreement..

Hi Gail-
Thanks, again, for your input. I wish I knew WHO to talk to. He has been discharged from all his medical care and I was not impressed with the Pyschotherapist there. He only talked to him 3 times and never had Gordon address any potential anger there could be over the incident or talk about anything other that a bit of controlling himself, etc. He really only spent 1 1/2 hours with him. We got more out of a social worker with Vocational Rehab.
As I've checked into these web sites, I realize that Gordon still has problems. I will take this but sometimes I am not sure if I am doing the right thing. I have stayed away from him at times but it did not help. I am trying everything I can to HELP him get through this. He knows this but I know he is frustrated over some things. There are several things that vould frustrate a "normal" persom. Legal issues and attorneys are one topic. Establishing a relationship with somebody after years of solitude and reclusiveness is another, Raising a teenager on you rown is another. Maybe that helps paint the picture. I know that I am all he has and I will stand by his side through everything but sometimes I am just not sure if what I am doing is right.
He is working pretty much but seems to understand his limitations. That makesme glad. He seems to understand simple things and even more complex. Matters of the heart are never easy even for us normal ones. He is back and forth on this. Sometimes I think he just never dealt with his grief over his wife's death because he plunged right into fatherhood and having to work, not especially good hours. He drives a truck. (He is a college graduate but chose a path of this sort for other reasons) He does seem to be doing well in his work atmosphere.
Oh well, just to shed light on this a bit more........
SHARON

IP: 66.108.77.75

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-22-2003 07:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
My response to Sharon's email

Hello Sharon,

I wish you would post this at the boards as it really indicates your focus...sometimes it sounds like you are feeling helpless and as a victim, which we all go through, but the fact that you truly know what you need to do is incredibly empowering. I think you have to still yourself more and ask from your own inner guidance as well.. sometimes we become so desperate it's like reaching out for any straw where we can grasp answers...

my gut feeling and I am not a professional is that you have to be very gentle and nurturing..not smothering to
Gordon at this point..perhaps share the mixed feelings you are experiencing and explain lovingly, but not forcefully or from a space of neediness or insecurity that you truly want to stand by him and that you are in need no matter how difficult it is for him to communicate more with you in terms of what he's experiencing and feeling..perhaps there are days when he can comprehend and days when he cannot...

you will have to forgive me as I have just returned from a conference and needing to catch up with so much right now. I do encourage you to post your email below and my response as well and i will continue... you see sharon, many people read the boards although they do not participate and they learn from hearing how others do it just as in your case... so i don't like answering private emails...for this reason plus my time constraints.. i do private consults on a sliding scale but must draw some boundaries..please understand.. I am willing to respond...but it must be at the boards..

blessings
gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-22-2003 07:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Posted for Sharon ( these are a little out of order as I was out of state at a conference and am posting them a bit late)

YOU CAN SINCE I AM NOT EXACTLY SURE HOW TO DO IT. Oh, and by the way, Gordon WON the maximum award from the Victim;s Council in his out-of-state hearing today. He is Happy!

SHARON

IP: 66.108.77.75

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 03-22-2003 07:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Sharon,

I am sitting here re reading your posts to catch up with them all.. it appears that you have an excellent overview of the picture of your relationship with Gordon.. that you understand the difficulties bringing up a teenager on your own, learning to develop a relationship that is ongoing when everything is going right, and also the fact that Gordon might still be grieving or has not completed with his feelings of loss towards his wife as you said.

Caregivers are wonderful... yet I am concerned you may be trying to bandaid everything up for Gordon. I understand that the pressures of out of state lawyers have been a burden.. that psychotherapists have not been good, but as I said before, it is up to you to quietly ask Gordon if he wants to resolve these issues. You cannot force someone to heal or change because you feel they need to. You must have patients and be willing to accept it as it is as if it will not change.. but always be working on yourself to flow as it changes..I hope you understand what I am saying. You can't bring in a new psychotherapist for Gordon if Gordon doesn't want it or isn't willing to look at these issues.

What you said here is very powerful:
"It can be very trying but if you "listen" very carefully and trust your own instincts, realizing "something" does make sense, things will become a lot more clear. It's not over by any means and you can remind me of this when it hppens again."

And in the next sentence you said: "I guess I am impatient somewhat....although people often tel me how patient I seem."

I wonder if you need to give others the impression that you are patient when deep down, there is a part of you that isn't patient which is where your own inner work may lay... only you know the answers as you stated above by listening to your own intuition.. I am just here to remind you..not teach nor advise...

To answer your question, "how do you teach someone to live fully again?" I ask you was he every living fully? Have you and are you living your own life fully? Usually we have to be the example of what we would like to see in others...

I encourage you to get your own counseling to help you process some of the issues you are holding deep inside your self.. without Gordon.. first.. and if the timing is appropriate and Gordon is in agreement, perhaps he will follow suit...

It's difficult to repsond to much of what you are saying and seeking feedback on with out hearing Gordon's viewpoint from your own...

keep us posted

Blessings
Gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

yelobus1
Member
posted 04-16-2003 05:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
Gordon was doing very well until about a week ago. I know it has something to with things that bother him that he lets "simmer" within him. I try to keep the lines of communication open as well as making sure that he keeps up with his exercising and eating right. I am sure some of his "problems" have to do with all this legal stuff-attorneys that do not call, not knowing "when" something will happen or how....kind of like it is for all of us when we cannot get answers. I thnk FRUSTRATION is the word.

IP: 64.12.96.235

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 04-18-2003 07:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Sharon,

Yes it is frustrating and you don't feel in control either.. but there are always lessons to learn and that is to surrender it to a higher power.. we can change how we react and respond.. and we can choose to open our hearts so that we move back into the natural flow of the universe...

I pray for Gordon to heal on these levels as well.

How are you moving through all of these challenges and how are all the children coping with it.

Look forward to hearing more from you..

blessings,
Gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

yelobus1
Member
posted 04-26-2003 01:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
It is certain that it is great to have to have the belief. God has certainly heard from lately....and seen me through some rough moments! I know that is one source that I can count on!
As for the kids, mine are doing OK. The impact from this has not been directly on them. Maybe somewhat indirect as I have this additional responsibility but they are doing rather well I think. And, remember, this was a newly developing relationship where there was noa lot going on with my kid yet. There Dad is around so thir relatonship will always be different than his son and I. His son is a teenager and has had moments that have been difficult but they have been through so much together, they seem to be able to get through anything. I know that his son knowsthat there is a difference n his Dad...he curses (he never did before) and he gets more irritated. I also know that his son knows he can "fool" his Dad more easily. They seemto weathering the storm.
Actually right now, Gordon seems to "hiding" from me with his son. He seems to using the love for his son as a new defense. He has been "pushing" me away although through things that I have observed and heard, I believe he is just trying to hide from his feelings. I realize that it is another level in hs "healing" and I am quietly letting him know that I am not going anywhere. it kind of reminds me of a child's development....they go through "spells." recently, he tried to tell me he did not love me but I just told him he was "lying." He gave me "the look" that verified that statement. Not a lot more has been said becasue there has not been a lot o time together but I m waiting for the riht time to talk to him about this further.
Will kep you posted. Love is confusing even to those of us that are not brain damaged!

IP: 152.163.189.166

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 04-29-2003 05:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Sharon,

I think you got it right in the last sentence... we are here for you.. there's a part of you that won't let go, but I wonder at times, how you are really feeling inside?

If push came to shove and it was time to move on, would you be able to recognize this and pull it together so you could? This thought has been on my mind since you began posting... you are so determined to keep it together which is wonderful... but since we don't know all about you, I am wondering if you could be strong enough to let go if you had to....

take care
gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

yelobus1
Member
posted 05-13-2003 05:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
I've thought long and hard about your reply, obviously. There is not an easy reply but this is what I have figured in a short version. Nt knowing somebody is a problem but if I could sum this up in a shortened version, this is what I will say:
I am not a "young, naive woman." I have been "around the block" a couple of times. But I do believe that it has taken a lot of strength from me to "hang in there." My situation is not an easy one and I think it would be easier to give up on my relationship with Gordon. But I have made the choice to hang in there! I have come to the conclusion, somewhat....the main problem here is "sexual dysfunction." Our heads can really drive us crazy when certain parts of our bodies do not cooperate. This is true to a non-brain injured person but add the brain injury along with other "things" and it can be catastrophic! I am reassuring him that love can see this through, as well as certain "drugs." we have talked about Viagra so we will see what will happen here. I do have a lot of HOPE.....and PATIENCE!

IP: 64.12.96.235

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 05-13-2003 09:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Sharon,

It's been a while... It is really good to hear you sounding grounded in your committment and the most important thing most of us learn is the patience... I know your heart is in the right place and I pray that Gordon's is as well... keep us posted...

richest blessings
gail

IP: 66.108.77.75

yelobus1
Member
posted 05-17-2003 03:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
It's not heart I am concerned about....it's the head! I believe he still has the heart, it's the head that is the PROBLEM!!!!! And he has been PONDERING a lot!!!!!! And we all know how much our thoughts can mess up our "normal heads."

IP: 64.12.96.235

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 05-27-2003 06:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Sorry I didn't respond sooner Sharon... have been out of town in California at two caregiver conferences...

I understand what you are saying... otherwise, how have you been doing? How is your little boy coping with all of this?

take care...

Gail

IP: 68.164.238.87

yelobus1
Member
posted 05-28-2003 07:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yelobus1     Edit/Delete Message
I am fine,we are fine....My teenage boys are doing OK, although the one who just turned 13 is having a lot of adjustments this year with being put in Special ed due to a Learning Disability (CAPD) He s ALSO MOODY. Iam getting a lot of experience dealing with that stuff!!!!! My older son is a pretty mellow kid and my 8 year old is doin pretty well.
I am just bewildered with everything. But whenGordon and I hav a "major" event, h does really well aterwards for awhile. He has been very good to me since Sunday. But too much "alone time" does not do him any good. Snce we have not been seeing each other as much, I have noticed a deteroration in his moods. We talked on Sunday about getting som professional help. He says he is "healing" himself. I assured him that he is dioin vry well but he is still very obsessive. H e does sem to notice this and accept this. H also does not communicate well. I help him keep his thoughts straight. He seems a bi paranoid also, like I am tryin to sway his son "away from him." I assured him that this defintely is not the case. I have plenty with 3 boys of m own and even though I love his son, I only want him WITH his Dad. Mostly what w went on abut is his son. His son is a VERY GOOD boy. He has a few faults but could have a lot more considering what h has experienced.
No problem with the delay. I know you ar a busy lady and have much responsibility. I am sure that you have many people that yu are helping. (: SHARON

IP: 152.163.253.33

GRM4LOVE
Moderator
posted 05-29-2003 10:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Sharon,

glad to hear that your children are handling it better.. I am sorry to persist as I do.. I know you have reassured me that you are ok and how determined you are.. but something in me tells me you might be slowly burning out and this is why I am always questioning.. I hope you understand.. I am just acting on my intuitve feelings that come through as I read your posts... keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...
gail

IP: 68.164.67.167


This topic is 3 pages long:   1  2  3 

All times are ET (US)

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Empowering Caregivers

EMPOWERING CAREGIVERS´┐Ż is trademarked. All Information on this website is under the umbrella of National Organization For Empowering Caregivers, INC.This includes but is not limited to the journal exercises, Newsletters and original articles, etc. Permission must be obtained from NOFEC by emailing info@nofec.org or telephoning 212.807.1204 for any external use of this material.

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.47e