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Author Topic:   Partner with cancer
posted 12-20-2002 11:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Partner     Edit/Delete Message
My partner of 20 years has been battling a rare cancer for almost a year but
is still not in remission. I have a stressful job but am trying to remain
empathic. KF is on a 3rd round of chemotherapy, and is, thankfully, still
able to take care of personal hygiene and even drive to appts. Most of my
caregiving is in the emotional realm and housekeeping realm, with the worse
times after chemo (weekly sieges of "flu") and if liver scans are in the
wrong direction. Constant negativity (frowning, staring, pessimistic
comments, etc.) and/or anxiety (needing continuous reassurance regarding
appearance) from the care recipient is wearisome. Suggestions welcome.



posted 12-22-2002 10:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message
Hello Partner

Welcome...and thank you for posting here vs an email. Twenty years is a very long time for partners to be challenged as they are with an disease that is still not yet checked.

I think the most important issue you both might want to look at an embrace is that you are together, you love one another, and it is important to for your partner to recognize that while you aren't the patient, your emotions run up and down as well like a rollercoaster. That you have needs as well and the stress can build in you.

Without sharing and balancing the energies, it is difficult to not build up resentments and a gammut of other emotions. Each of you shoud commit to supporting one another for the highest good, to connect and let go of the things you cannot change..when one of you is down, the other commits to inspiring and lifting..if both of you are down... sometimes it is best to find the humor in it or perhaps even the tears. But you must both help one another to move through these feelings This is most important.

If it is difficult to raise the awareness and shift this, you might want to reach out for offline counseling support to assist you both.

Please keep us posted.

Richest blessings


posted 12-23-2002 01:31 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Hi Partner...and welcome...

Hope your partner's cancer goes into remission..chemo treatments aren't easy are they...
I can understand his anxiety but as a caregiver I also understand your weariness..I usually try my hardest to stay upbeat but sometimes, with my father my nerves do get the best of me and I try to give us both a small break away from each other...
My husband is also finding this "moodiness" with his dad , now that he has health problems...he knows it is par for the course but it still gets him down..
What I found helpful when caring for my mom, and now with problems with my dad is trying to put myself in their place, to sense how frustrated and scared they must be...and that helped...
I hope you too find a way to deal with it all...and please keep posting to let us know how you are making out...

take care


posted 12-30-2002 04:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AtoDisciple     Edit/Delete Message
Cancer is a devastating disease. My mother died from Cancer and I have lost a sister to it also. Another had to have womb and ovaries removed. I truly sympathize with you. I think part of the depression is often caused by the widely known devastation and pain caused by it.
My husband doesn't have cancer but has many other problems. When he gets down I just try to give him a hug and/or remind him that we are partners. We each do what we can and the other takes up the slack. I remind him that I still need him and he is still important to me. I am sure you have done all these things. You have hard times ahead and I pray that God will give you the wisdom, strength, and courage to face them and do the best you can. That is all God expects. God is the partner that takes up the slack when our spirit and strength is weak. May he bless you and your family in the years to come.


posted 08-06-2003 11:41 PM           Edit/Delete Message

I'm in the same boat, my partner has a rare form of cancer..numerous chemos, and just has a Stem Cell Transplant

Look up, "Gilda's Club"..there are a great organiztion
support groups for family and friends of those w/cancer
good for support in general and even have fun you can do

They are many large cites...I used it lot when he was having his Stem Cell Transplant

also, American Cancer Society has fantastic site..information of the disease, emtional aspects, money aspects...everything including being a caretaker


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