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posted 05-09-2004 06:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for angel437     Edit/Delete Message

The past few months I have been seriously journaling. I was asked to share some of what I have learned through this process.

Recently I took my son, my youngest to get ice cream after dinner. On the way he started to cry. He shared with me how my father's *kidding*, teasing him bothered him. He feels hurt by his comments. My father tends to hide his own fears by joking, or if he just has nothing else to talk about. Dad has been like this even when I was a child. It seems to have worsen as he has aged.
I explained to my son, that Pop truly does not mean anything *mean* by his actions, and gave him an example of what happened to me the day before with my father.
I was washing, shaving, and dressing my dad, and I was having a discussion about issues I felt strongly about. Within a second of me talking, my father told me to *shut up, you are sounding like your mother*. Usually, the old me would be furious, bitter, lash back. The new me, I told my son, let it go. I told my father that this is hurtful to me, and I would appreciate it if he not ever say that again to me.
I asked my son to do the same next time Pop says something hurtful. I explained that it is not in his best interest to hold it in, nor to feel anger, resentment toward his grandfather. While Pop is living his last few months, days with us we will heal, and grow closer, and not waste anytime on those other emotions.
Just the other day, I found my son crying alone in the livingroom. He told me he was so sad about pop dying, and that he didn't want him to die. I told my son, *these are good emotions, and it is okay to cry and feel sad*. I feel that way to. I also told him to remember that Pop loves us all, and that he is having a peaceful journey home surrounded by love.

Happy Mother's Day everyone!


posted 05-09-2004 08:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GRM4LOVE     Edit/Delete Message

this is wonderful.. I am also wondering if you could actually say to your father lovingly as you look into his eyes.. "Are you afraid Dad? Are you afraid of dying?" Really support him to come from his own truth where he uses the humor as an excuse to hide his feelings.. this might be an opportunity to get to the real nitty gritty of it all...



posted 05-13-2004 12:18 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Ahh...that was a lovely story...I wish my father too would open up...he also uses humor or insults to mask a lot of things...
Seems to be the norm for men of that era...to be honest and admit fear or most other emotions is just a no-no...sort of makes it difficult at times to really know what's going on with them...

take care...


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